Warning: the following programme contains scenes of a vague sexual nature and mild peril

Yes, I know I’m early.

No, I’m still not well.

Despite this week being far kinder on my schedule than the last couple, I know -just know– I’m not going to be able to get anything too meaningful from the spongy trifle that is my brain this week. The throat infection is nearly gone, so the sensation of moving a pound of flesh each time I swallow or talk has passed, but it’s now mutated into a cold and cough, making me a comedy act of coughs, snot, sneezes and dribbles (especially attractive) every five minutes. Ah, man-flu. I’ve been expecting you.

So, I’ve decided to do a semi-update now and then potentially do another later across the weekend if time permits it. Which, in not so subtle terms, means “I’ll write something if work deadlines, and the fact I’ll be playing my new Wii for stupid lengths of time, permits it”.

C’est vrai. Lemsip honesty contains the most brutal of truths.

What will I be gracing you with in the interim, then? Well, aside from the fact I finally -finally!- did my bloody tax returns (yes, I know I promised to do them a couple weeks back, I’m sorry) and the better revelation that they weren’t nearly as painful as expected, this week’s pseudo-update is below. It even has pictures. For once.

– My newest WiiChat column is now up. http://www.wiichat.com/nintendo-wii-articles/7259-wii-fam-il-y.html is where my thoughts lie. I talk about how the machine has affected family dynamics and what this means for the console’s potential sales figures. My only disappointment with the feature is that it became a terrible reminder of how unreliable and impolite people on a whole are. While several gamers volunteered their stories for the examples in the article, several others jumped at the chance only to leave me in the lurch and refuse to reply to my emails after. So a few reshuffles later, the piece ended up in its more example-lite form that is published. It probably would have been a bit too long with more stories, but a lack of courtesy gets my back up at the best of times.

– Excitingly, a preview of the comic book anthology I’m part of is now up over at Futurius. http://www.futurius.com/tftp_vtwo.html is where a few samples are being shown, and lovely they look too. Be aware that the preview doesn’t contain any of my story material (it’s still being lettered and finished), but it’s a nice confirmation that the anthology is edging closer to completion for the coming months. At which point, I’ll start posting some previews of my first story on here. I’m hoping the brilliant artist I have for my second story can get something done in time, but seeing as I should have at least 3 comic book stories published in the next 10 months, maybe I’m just being greedy. In any case, check out the preview.

– Off-beat humour alert. Oh, and yes, I’m talking about Wii again. Sorry. The Japanese manual has fairly amusing pics that would normally be associated with health and safety warnings that come with any machine. Although while we boring Westerners would get dull pictorials, the Japanese have wonderfully visual versions that are (presumably intentionally) comical. It’s almost like playing a game of Pictionary to guess what the exact warning is.

Your Wii remote can be used to gleefully and brutally re-arrange the face of close friends and relatives. DO NOT DO THIS

Left unattended, your Wii may dress up in your clothes and develop thoughts of its own. These thoughts may or may not be sexual. If sentience is gained, DESTROY IMMEDIATELY

If Wii is not destroyed, it may develop a 40-a-day habit. Potentially after aforementioned amoral thoughts. USE PROTECTION

And on that risqué note, I’m off to watch an episode of Firefly and hopefully not have dreams about The Grudge, which I ‘experienced’ a few hours ago. My night-thoughts are bad enough as they are without fingers popping out my skull. Did I tell you about the time I started sleep-walking after thinking there were tigers outside my room…?



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